I’m assuming most of the posters are married BH. As a single in shidduchim for over 15 years, I’ll tell you what I find the most difficult in shidduchim. Firstly, in the “olden day’s” where there was no official Bais Yaakov schools and the girls were educated at home by their mothers and the boys by their fathers, not only did the parents know their children better, but the children respected their parents’ decisions and the parents mostly did their childrens’ shidduchim without too much input by the children other than meeting once or twice. (Read all the gedolim books…) I think a major problem nowadays is the independence of children. Girls are sent out of the home from 8:30-4:30 getting education from others and developing an opinion of their own outside of their home, whether by educators or their peers. Then they go off to a year or two of seminary and continue on to college where their independent mindsets are further solidified, as well as bochurim who go off to years away to Yeshiva and develop a Kesher with their Rabbaim who may have a different hadhkafah than their upbringing. This leaves it that when it comes to shidduchim, girls and boys are more reliant on their mechanchim/mechanchos and peers to redt them shidduchim because at that point the parents are more or less out of the picture. I find that where the parents and girls are on the same page, the shidduchim go faster. Girls and boys who become shtarker than their parents or vice versa are left on their own devices and that can add years to the search as they have to do all the leg work on their own. If people would “adopt” a single they know in such a position and do the work like a parent would, there would be many more shidduchim happening at a quicker pace. Thank you.
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