“the realities of living together as husband/wife are really the same for ALL frum yidden.”
That isn’t true at all, and I don’t think you even think so. Would you say the realities of husband/wife dynamics are the same for a yeshivish couple where the male learns full time and the woman provides 100% of the household income and for a MO couple where they both contribute equally? The Litvish world is quite possibly the first society in the history of all mankind to attempt a system where the female is the sole provider. Whether or not it’s a successful experiment, you could debate. But, I don’t think it’s possible to say it’s just like any other frum relationship or just like any other relationship. It’s radically different than any other kind of marriage.
To your credit, I have no idea what point Joseph was making with the MO/Bucharian analogy. One is an ethnic group and one is a level of religiosity; a person could easily be both.