A recent poll conducted by the 10K Project, in memory of Yisroel Levine and Elisheva Kaplan, revealed that a successful shidduch is about three times more likely to come about via friends or family rather than from a “professional” shadchan. Moreover, over eighty-percent of the singles who participated in the poll felt that better ideas have come from friends and family rather than “professionals”. 

For a moment, picture the scene in any typical household with a child in the parsha. Most would describe the process to include approaching shadchanim, asking to meet them, beseeching them to think of their children and repeatedly calling/emailing ad nauseum despite the unlikelihood of a successful interaction.

 The irony in the scenario is that over seventy five percent of shidduchim do not come from “professional” shadchanim! 

If this is the case, we need to shift focus slightly. Yes, shadchanim are incredibly important and do wonderful things, but for only a minority of actual shidduchim. We are forgetting that, we, each person in Klal Yisroel, is a key players in bringing shidduchim to fruition.

Most people admit that one of the hardest parts of shidduchim is the feeling that we are so limited in how we can help ourselves and our immediate family. It IS uncomfortable to take steps in advancing a shidduch for yourself. However, redting to the next one is far easier.  

So let’s take a step back. 

If your child’s shidduch has a twenty-five to thirty percent chance of coming from a ”professional” shadchan, perhaps it would be appropriate to slash the amount of time invested into meeting and pursuing shadchanim and instead utilizing the time in a “friends looking out for friends” approach.

 Imagine if each person who previously spent five hours a week pursuing, emailing and meeting shadchanim rather spent two or three hours and used the extra time to think of the next person.

 IMAGINE WE ALL DID THAT!!!!

 Imagine the statistic then!! Ninety percent? Ninety-five percent?

 Another fascinating part of the poll is what the singles stated!

 Over eighty percent preferred to have shidduchim redt by friends or family as they thought their ideas were more on target than ”professional” shadchanim. How often do people hold back from redting ideas, feeling that they’re not professional and their ideas must be of inferior quality?? That’s a MYTH!! Your ideas are actually superior!!

 Imagine the incredible change we can make if we change our perspective to fit the actuality! Instead of placing all the energy onto pressurizing shadchanim – let’s challenge ourselves to make that difference! Each person finding an hour a week will make an incredible impact on the whole system!

Please do consider taking this new approach to shidduchim. If you’re not convinced yet, then please do it on a trial basis, give it a month! See how the experience changes your perspective from being stressed about shidduchim to a feeling of contentment, knowing that you’re doing your part for the singles in Klal Yisroel and not relying on any human answering a phone call.

Please do pick up the phone and make a suggestion l’ileu nishmas Yisroel ben Yeshayahu halevi and Elisheva Basya bas Yechiel Ephrayim; the couple who were in a tragic car accident on Pesach. We are attempting to make ten thousand shidduch suggestions primarily by non-seasoned shadchanim in their memory.

Please do your part by making a suggestion and logging it at 10KBatayYisroel.org.