” It is for his losses, what he is giving up both Ruchniyus and Gashmius that hurts me.”
Of course. Torah and mitzvos gives us the best life possible. We are not missing out, they are. The lack of direction and morals in the world, sheva mitzvos bnei noach etc in the world today is depressing thousands of secular youth and destroying countless lives rachmana litzlan.
A male relative of mine, who married at 21, went jogging once with another young not yet frum young man, when he was helping out the shluchim on the campus. My relative was engaged at that point.
His jogging partner confided to him that “You’ll probably never understand me, but I don’t plan on getting married.”
My relative asked why.
The other young man responded that there is no trust and faithfulness nowadays, and young married women will commonly cheat with other men. So why should he commit to her, and all the finances etc that he would lose in event of divorce?
My relative responded that he completely understand and if that was the world he lived in, he wouldn’t get married either.
I also have a close relative who went off. In his case he really wants to come back he has just lost his self control. He is planning on saving up money to go to a BT Yeshiva program and marry a graduate of the girls program. He went off at 16 and is now 23.
It can take time. It can be a process. But this relative is happy to come home for Shabbos, and keep whatever family rules he needs to. His life plan is to marry that graduate at 25
things have taken him awhile as his brain was hijacked by drugs and the medication needed to avoid psychosis as a result. But it looks like he’ll head in the right direction iyh.there’s definitely hope. Keep the doors open and your son will eventually come back iyh. We have the richest life there is.