One of the problems is that our heads are bashomayim not rooted in day to day olam haze reality. What do I mean by this? An increasing number of apparently normal looking girls are suffering from serious mental health issues that are simply brushed under the carpoet in order to let them find their bashert. What am I talking about: anorexia, bulimia, BPD, post-traumatic stress, to name just a few. These are serious, and I stress the word serious, psychiatric issues. Many of these girls have spent months in inpatient closed psychiatric units. They then present as quite normal except for a small issue that is “well under control”, which is true until the next attack which may come in a day, a month, a year or after they become pregnant, if they can forge that close a relationship with a man. The more astute boys and or their parents find out what the background is and sensibly run a mile. Living with someone who has anorexia or BPD is very very difficult and these are conditions that are extremely difficult to cure. Marriage is just nor for them. They have extreme difficulty in forming and sustaining relationships and most BPD marriages end in divorce. I know my daughter is a sufferer. She is part of the shidduch crisis adding another name to the list of older girls looking for a shidduch. The truth is she is not marriageable. That is an olam haze reality. We still daven daily for a solution from shomayim.
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