The little I know,
“In a few of your comments, you have labeled me something that I am not. Whether this fits the technicality of מכנה שם לחבירו or not is not the issue.”
Nonetheless, you wrote it, so please clarify what you mean. I have had no intention of labeling you with anything. There are some elements of the parenting philosophy you presented here that I have taken strong objection to, just like you have taken strong objection to the “pronouncement of the Satmar dayanim.”
“If imposing will on him just makes him rebel, then we need to find another option.”
Not everything is in the control of the parent, including whether the kid rebels or not. And there are limits on what we can and should do in our attempt to prevent rebellion. That doesn’t mean we don’t love the child, or that we are rejecting the child.
“But his acting out from his personal pain does not designate him as an apikores either.”
I never wrote that it did, and I would appreciate it if you stopped implying that that is my position.
“At the wrong time, it does not convey a message of direction but a set of criteria to earn punishment.”
You’ve written this multiple times, and I have disagreed multiple times. Maintaining boundaries and meting out punishment are not the same thing. If someone is breaking things in my house and I call the police, I am not punishing him, I am protecting my house.
“Absolutely everything that is done in the way of chinuch must be focused on bringing about the desired result of the child’s learning”
Phrased another way, the ends justify the means? And only a navi can foretell the actual ends.
“But the kid needs to hear it as a boundary, not a criterion for punishment or tolerance. Hashem’s love for Klal Yisroel was ever present even after the חטא העגל. That needs to be our role model for how to love.”
Go back and read Sefer Bamidbar and tell me that klal Yisroel never felt that they were being punished, or that their rebellious behavior was tolerated, or that Hashem continually changed His approach with the goal of preventing rebellion. How does the long golus we find ourselves in fit with your philosophy? I don’t think the Torah narrative supports your position, and you continue to misrepresent mine by implying that I somehow support a complete rejection of a child or the withdrawal of love.