Joseph:
You wrote: “Respect for in-laws is like Kibud Av V’Eim. You must do it whether it is earned or not.”
Except that for in-laws it is not D’Oraysa.
Technically, that is correct. One must respect in-laws. The issue here extends into the reality matter. One can fulfill the “respect” here by refraining from being disrespectful. In reality, we seek a goal of a mutually respectful and congenial relationship. That cannot be demanded. If it were, it would be artificial, and that would be obvious. It needs to be a genuine one, which is generated by nice feelings and behaviors that are in the proper emotional context. That cannot be demanded.
If we get hung up on the technicality, we will create a nice picture show, without the commensurate emotional relationship. That is certainly not the goal. I guess someone can choose such a scene, but I never would.