T22T:
You wrote: ” When i say mundane i mean in the over all picture its mundane on the large chance of losing your child totally. ”
I agree with this. The trouble here is that the subject being debated is whether there is a mitzvah to lose your child totally because he/she is behaving in ways that depart from your mesorah. And there are some that suggest that the boundaries must be set in ways that complete the rejection and place the risk of no return at an extremely high level. This seems to be the position of the of the Satmar Dayanim in their publication, and I take strong issue with that as antithetical to the derech of Torah, as understood by all the Gedolei Yisroel of the past many generations.
I know I am repeating from earlier comments, but each and every OTD person possesses a נשמה that is a חלק אלוק ממעל. That is no less holy and precious before HKB”H than yours, mine, or that of any other Yid, regardless of his/her proficiency in Torah learning, track record of mitzvos, progeny, or belonging to any particular community. The very thought that we possess the authority to discard such a neshomoh is blasphemous. If we demonstrate that we use our mortal and limited judgment to throw away a neshomoh that is cherished and precious to its Creator, we are proclaiming that such judgment over us is okay. Is that a risk anyone wants to take? I would rather be in the place where I do not repel and reject other Yidden, whatever their situation is. Then when I appear before Beis Din Shel Maaloh, I can be judged via מדה כנגד מדה in an accepting way.
We need to see the possibility of losing the child totally as a tragedy, not something we volunteer to do.