If I may, here is where chassidus would help you out allot. Once you understand the underlying dynamic of za and malchus- represented by male and female respectively. I’ve you get that, all the disparate maamarei chazal fall in place. From the fact you constantly bring up this topic under different assumed scenarios it seems you are troubled by a contradiction here at trying to resolve it. Maybe this is it: you know Torah is emes and must be good for men and women alike. But it doesn’t seem so some places appear to favor men and some women. And bring a male, if it’s a contest you’d like the male to win. Is that it?
Whatever your conundrum may be, by getting the inner scoop, all these questions fall away.
And that’s why Chabad shluchos who have this understanding are very content to raise their families and put that first, and yet take great pride in it and don’t think of their role as any less than men. At the same time, they also have the balance, with a mashpia s input, to get involved outside the home with shlichus activities as much as possible while keeping the home first. And since we love our role and appreciate it, we are not looking to be rabbas. I sincerely advise you to look up the same book referenced on the other thread, “El nshei ubnos Yisrael,” and enjoy looking up the copious footnotes on every chapter… Hatzlacha!