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Acheinu B’nei Yisroel B’chol Mokom sh’hem
I am appealing to you on behalf of a talmid, a wonderful bochur, who unfortunately fell into a bad marriage. When his wife ran away with the 3 children, he gave her a get on advice of Rabbonim.
Now however, she is vindictively harassing him with all sorts of nonsensical charges to keep him from having anything to do with the kids.
I know, b’ydiya gemura, that the charges are totally false, lo haya v’lo nivra, and are only the untrue products of her unwell personality.
The kids love and need their father!
I am absolutely certain that eventually the truth will come out without any shred of a doubt.
Now, however, we need to pay huge legal fees, as her sheker can result in his going to prison, R”L, if allowed to stand.
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The danger is real, as some judges are prejudiced against the man, always assuming the woman to be the victim.
His lawyers are also absolutely confident that he will win his case.
I vouch for this cause without any hesitation.
We need to put together $50,000 NOW.
I ask your help.
In this z’chus may you know only nachas and simcha from your whole family!
Rabbi Yaakov Bender
Rosh Yeshiva – Darchei Torah
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7 Responses
Rabbi Bender shlit”a stands well on his own reputation, and is in no need of haskomoh from me or anyone else. The tragedy he describes is unfortunately not a rarity, as divorces often involve anger, vindictiveness, and outright viciousness. While the court system builds in many mechanisms to make issues easier, there are negatives that come along. Essentially, women (sometimes but less frequently men) use this to their advantage. They use the power and cost-free prosecutor to serve as their lawyer, making the other’s life miserable. After the get, the only weapon in place is the woman having the children, and denying the father his visitation and parental rights is too easy. It is evil, and harms the children. And legal fees to defend against this can be substantial. I lend my voice to Rabbi Bender, not to endorse (which he doesn’t need) but to add a drop of volume to the message.
This is why a Gett should never be given until ALL divorce issues are settled completely.
Joseph:
That is correct, and it is usually the case. There are exceptions, and these usually explode into something like the case here.
Quite sadly, there is a growing trend to continue long after the divorce and get to invest time and effort to make the other’s life miserable. Women often return to court to demand additional child support. They are also apt to deny the father access to the children, and they commit other atrocities that are disgraceful. Sometimes, they even get rabbinical support in their evil. So having settled the affairs prior to the get is a wonderful idea, but it does not prevent כל צרה שלא תבא.
Joseph you are right a get shouldnt be given until all custody are legally agreed upon, but sometimes the guy having such an abusive dysfunctional marriage just wants out so badly he says take our get and get out of my life so i can move on
realy a get should not be given until all maters are resolved what halachick planet do you live on joseph, and why this need to publicize everything if 50,000 dollars needed to be collected it could have been done quitley, , but everyone is a tzadik in public,
The saddest part of all this, is the children. They are left to suffer from their parents SELFISHNESS!!!
This is a plague, which has sadly penetrated our circles including Rabbanim. And the losers are the children.
The liberal world has influenced our holiest corners.
“The best parent is both parents”. The focus needs to be changed from “who’s right” “who’s side I’m on”, to “how can we achieve the best results for the children”. A community rabbi should be ashamed to exclaim “I’m on this one’s side”. They should be saying “How can I settle this disagreement, so that the children can retain both parents!
The issue starts from accepting one side and never looking back (an issue that exists in various disputes), every “cheder child” knows one can’t accept a story from one side, dictated by logic, moral, halacha and common sense! And the source of this is as above explained.
Besides for the complicated dynamics of “sholom bayis”, one needs to possess deep understanding of people, family dynamics, marriage and much more to attempt stating an opinion. And if one does not have the time to work it through, how in the world can they attempt to state an opinion?
Unfortunately, even good people seem to feel “nothing can be done” the world can’t be changed, until the issue ends up in their backyard. A perfect parable would be the following story told by R shalom Shwadron zt”l; A child was injured and was taken to the hospital, as the child was being carried away on the stretcher a woman saw people screaming and said “don’t worry it will all be ok”, then she suddenly realized the injured child was her son! She started screaming and crying! Gevalt R sholom said “Don’t worry it will be ok”. This is exactly what is transpiring in our world, the public does not react until the pain is too close to home.
Rabbi bender, we greatly appreciate and respect your cry for help. We beg of you, please don’t stop here, this plague (lack of paternal parity) must be cured for the sake of all the children in klal yisroel.
Yes there are solutions! If we only cared to care!