As a bachur in yeshiva, I was looking forward to the years ahead. I was considered a baal kishran, and I envisioned a life of torah ugedula bemakom echad. That was then.
Now in my sixties, it did not work out that way. I never got married, I faced one financial setback after another; physically and emotionally I am not in the best of shape. According to a respected mekubal; I have no mazal.
How do I manage to get out of bed in the morning? shivrey luchos munachim bearon; the fact that all my dreams have been shattered, leaves me only with learning to occupy my time.
I am keenly aware, that many of my friends and acquaintances of years past are success stories, and no longer associate themselves with people of my kind. I don’t get the invitations to simchas. Shame on them. At the final stage in life, in the nursing home, we are all in the same boat.
Good mazal is a matana min hashamayim. Your success is primarily not related to any of your effort. Definitely not a basis for being condescending to the rest of us
NOTE: The views expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of YWN.
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10 Responses
I’m curious to know what the getting process on op-eds are? or is just anything that’s submitted posted.
as far as the writer is concerned while I sympathize with his situation. The need to put everyone else down due to it needs some self-reflecting. nobody else is responsible for your own happiness.
My compliments to YWN for posting this letter. Most if not all Frum publications would not they like to put a positive spin on everything and pretend it is all good. My heart goes out to the writer of this letter I would love to give you a big hug and have you over for Shabbos. There is a class society that has formed among the Frum over the years and it is very sad. If you wonder as you walk to shul on Tisha BAv why Moshiach is not here yet this is one of the reasons.
According to a respected mekubal; I have no mazal.
First of all, it should be comma and not a semicolon.
Second, find a different mekubal to listen to.
I am sending you a big hug. It’s never late to start step by step!
(1) Flatbush Tzadik is right on point
(2) realisticguy and MDG; embaressments to the tribe a/k/a oy lohrim shelahem
(3) I have 2 friends who went OTD for this reason. This guy deserves a lot of credit.
(4) for those of similar experiences, hang in there. Its a tikun and while you may be ignored in this world, ashrei chelkecha leolam haba.
How do I manage to get out of bed in the morning? shivrey luchos munachim bearon; the fact that all my dreams have been shattered, leaves me only with learning to occupy my time.
If you are spending your free time learning despite all your other difficulties you in a very good situation. At least as far as the next world goes. Try to focus on that.
I can only conclude that the author is asking for help, but I don’t think the letter provides enough information for most readers to do much besides empathize (which I and probably most do).
If I read it correctly, the person in his 60s resides in a state or federally funded nursing home due to health and financial issues, has little contact with those outside the facility (other than internet access to this site, etc.), few activities he considers of value other than his learning (B”H for his abilities and drive in that regard) and is in a state of depression over his predicament and future (I’m no shrink; that’s just my layman impression),
What I find encouraging is that he can characterize his age as midlife, which while numerically accurate according to our mesora of measuring a lifetime with that of Moshe Rabbainu, is a rather optimistic statement coming from someone in a state of melancholy. So, I suppose that plus his request for help – demonstrating his belief that things can get better – is reason for optimism.
At the very least, I think his internet access may provide a means to widen his contact with other people and find support. I with I could post the URL of a site I know of run my a group of therapists (non-denominational) that offers a sympathetic ear to anyone at no charge, but I think my doing so would violate a posting guideline and get removed. What I like about it is that they don’t offer advice. They just allow people to express themselves anonymously to vetted “listeners”, which some people find easier to do than to open up to relatives and friends.
To bluhbluh and smerel
After reading the letter several times, I reach a different conclusion regarding the motivation of the writer to submit this letter, especially @ this time of year. It does not appear that he is looking for sympathy; there are better forums for that
My reading is that it is a letter of tochacha, regarding those of his peers who abandoned him. And it is not meant only for him on the micro level, but also for other in a macro sense.
Tisha bav, when we focus on sinas chinam, is the right time to take note of this issue. There are those yeshivish alums who have “made it”. Addressing those individuals, have you turned your back on some of your chevra from yeshiva. Unfortuantely, its a rhetorical question. In my humble opinion, the letter should be copied and posted in other forums, especially tisha baav asifos.
Seriously. Are some of you ready to throw Klal Yisroel under the bus because somebody didn’t make it in life? Do we know more than what this man has shared? Do we know if over the years perhaps many tried to help him and he stuck to his ways? Perhaps not, but we don’t know anything at all aside from a small snippet of one man’s version. Stop being so judgmental. I feel terrible for this man and hope he finds better mazal. We should never Judge anyone and especially our nation as a whole.
That’s an important Tisha B’Av lesson.
Nhoro,
you articulate what the thouoht that others project: Its his fault.
Collectively, the oilam is missing the avoidas hasyom