GH:
You wrote: “The school is NOT obligated to find a new school for this girl…that is the parents’ responsibility. If no school in Lakewood will accept her, perhaps they need to look in the mirror and try a bit of critical self-examination as to whether there is something they can do to better conform with the schools’ requirements. ”
I must disagree. The school who rejects an admission might have no obligation to help find an alternative placement. A school who tells a child to leave, regardless of why, does have a responsibility. That does not exclude the parents, but the expelling school should definitely participate in getting this kid placed elsewhere. Painfully, I am aware of yeshivos who sent a kid out, and followed by calling other schools to tell them not absolutely NOT accept that kid. This anger being released on a kid with such damage is inexcusable. This is fact, not theory or belief. I know such families/kids.
Conform to school requirements – this is a challenging issue, and my opinion is not very popular today. I do not believe it is the domain of a yeshiva to conform parents to anything at all. In fact, I believe that most of these rules about parents are arbitrary, and have nothing to do with a child’s potential for success. There are exceptions to this, but very few. If we look back in history just a few decades where this craze about setting standards did not exist, it is hard to find those kids who were negatively influenced by this. I had classmates whose fathers wore colored shirts. It had zero effect on me or my other classmates. Many classmates came from homes where there was television. Quite a number of these kids are today Roshei Yeshivos or Kollelim. No effect on them or other classmates. I propose that these “standards” are artificial, and make some people feel better (placebo effect), but are not truly related to chinuch or potential for success.
Lastly, this critical self-examination you propose with the subsequent changes will hardly accomplish much. Let’s suppose mother’s shaitel was too long, or father wore colored shirts. Changing that will have no effect on admission for the child, who will be viewed as flawed by virtue of the shaitel or colored shirt having tainted this child for the all the past years of growth. Nothing fixed.