Dear “Back From Sem” –
You sound like a young woman with a good heart. I am an old man who has — amid all the joys of life — experienced periods of confusion and pain to which all humans are subject. Nonetheless, it is your pain and confusion. It is real and it deserves compassionate advice.
Please excuse me if any of this sounds glib or simplistic. It is not. It is based on many false starts and the wisdom gained from all those dead ends.
Amid all the suggestions of a spiritual nature, it is essential to not forget the physical. Assuming you are in good health, follow these guidelines for 30 days and — while there is no magic formula to solve every dilemma we face — you are virtually guaranteed an improved outlook and increased feelings of contentment if you do:
1) Exercise! Find a program you can stick with and start… no excuses. Personally, I find yoga and tai chi best, but whatever the activity works best for you — walking, jogging, tennis, etc. — start slowly. But don’t miss a single day for 30 days. Mark off your days on a calendar. Then, after 30 days, you can re-evaluate the program to be sure it is one you can continue.
2) Pay attention to your sleep habits. Try to get to bed every night and rise every morning at the same time. Save your naps for Shabbat.
3) Get out of bed immediately when you awake.
4) Take care of the things you least want to do first… in the morning and throughout each day.
5) Limit your time on electronic devices.
6) Keep a healthy diet. Beware of fads and unproven claims, but limit fats, junk food and sugars and increase your intake of fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains. This is easiest to do if you allow yourself such things on an occasional basis. My best success has been with saving such treats for Shabbat because, after all, you’re never more than three days away from Shabbat.
7) Avoid excessive intoxication, but absolutely do enjoy some wine or a l’chaim on Shabbat and yomim tovim.
8) Focus intently on making others happy through an open heart and a sincere smile. Actively search for such opportunities in the street, at school, at work.
9) Spend time every day appreciating the natural world; plant a garden; study a tree; sit on the ground and watch ants at work; listen for bird calls; read nature guides about plants, minerals, insects, mammals, fishes, birds, weather, etc. Make a real study of it or of some miraculous subject such as anatomy, physiology, chemistry, etc.
10) Find one pasuk that speaks to you deeply and repeat it. Repeat it again. Keep repeating. For me, “Zeh hayom asah Hashem; nagilah v’nism’cha bo — THIS is the day the Lord has made; let us be glad and rejoice in IT” (emphasis added) has even surpassed “Be Here Now” as constant inspiration.
You’re in this for the long haul, BFSem, 120 years. You are the only one who can make these things happen, and you can only do so by taking responsibility for doing so. With the proper understanding of how unlikely it is to be alive in such an incomprehensibly amazing world, you can then follow this paraphrased advice from a teacher of mine, zatsal:
Whenever you find yourself lacking in joy, picture yourself standing knee-deep in the middle of a cool, refreshing river that is flowing all around you. Now realize it is a river of simcha you are standing in — constantly abundant waters of joy. Whenever you feel the need, see yourself in that river, bend down, cup your hands and drink your fill.
Wishing you all the best!
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