LB, I only have a second, but I want to say that it sounds like your rebbetzin is speaking common sense, not specifically chassidic (I’m sure there were other conversations you had that were more along those lines). Unfortunately when a BT listens to shiurim that are not suited for his/her level of observance, hashkafa,etc., they can become confused, depressed, stressed, turned off, etc., to Yiddishkeit. I honestly feel that you have to be careful what and where you are listening to the shiurim you do take the time to listen to. Ignoring your physical needs on the cheshbon of getting married in order to be “complete” or whatever terminology the lecturer used, does not make sense in your situation whatsoever, but really how could you expect the lecturer to know that. You have to know when you hear the first few minutes of a shiur whether it is on your level or not. I would start first with a cheshbon hanefesh (personal accounting) of what you are doing with your life and time, including your regular daily activities like work and also your activities related to Yiddishkeit, mitzvah observance and increasing your connection to HKB”H. You have to have confidence that you ARE doing the right thing by dealing with your work situation so that you can have enough money to buy food and live on before worrying about getting married. Also, the lecturer could not know that you are working on your ability to say “NO” to things that are not currently good for you to say yes to, so you have to work out a way to hear what the lecturer is saying that will give you strength to continue on that course (not that HKB”H wants you to turn 180 degrees around, to your detriment). With a good dose of self confidence, you will not constantly be doubting yourself and trying to reinterpret what you’re doing that is supposedly against what HKB”H wants from you now. Think about it. There is a lot of Torah out there, but it’s not for each person at all times.
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