I get it and I’m sorry that you feel ashamed of yourself. You’re a wonderful person and Hashem made you YOU to fulfill a very special mission that only YOU can accomplish.
I have questioned myself at times when someone was offended for something that I also did not believe was offensive. And honestly, it really got to me. I started doubting myself, adapting my words so that I dare not offend anyone, and still there were times that someone got offended. Where did I go wrong? I cannot be myself and I cannot be someone else!
Then I spent some time away. Really thinking about whether or not I belonged. Whether or not I had something to contribute. I realized that sometimes someone else’s offense has nothing to do with me. At least, I am okay. I was okay and will be okay. It still hurts. But maybe instead of taking it personally, I can just appreciate the person because I know that this speaks of what the other person is going through.
Plus, I am not perfect. Maybe I too take offense at times when someone else did not mean to be offensive. And I can be more forgiving. And learn to think of the best intentions in each person, as long as I ensure my own health in the process.
The reason why I am sharing this with you is because I want you to know that you are not alone. Hashem will guide you. And please remember that you are here because the world needs you. Just as the world needs those that get offended. It may not make sense.
And anyway, did you see that seagull? Maybe the dropping of that fish back into the ocean was a sign. Sometimes it feels like we are in the jaws of death. Suddenly taken out from our entire universe. We cannot survive without that water. Yet some terror swoops in and who am I? Am I a fish? Why am I in the air? This hurts! A lot! And then bamm. Back into the sea! Let yourself feel proud. And come back and see that you are you for a very special reason.
Thank you 🙂