First–and I mean this quite seriously–drop everything, buy the men’s and women’s version of Rav Shalom Arush’s shalom bayis book The Garden of Peace, give the woman’s version to your wife, and both of you read and implement the book as if your life depended on it. This book truly works wonders and has saved many marriages. If you do this you won’t have to read on to number two…
Second, think about what you’re doing. You’re “not religious,” but you want to use the weapon of withholding a get to force your wife to stay with you?
I don’t know your situation, but in general it’s highly unethical to refuse for years on end to give a get when the wife is disgusted with you and is not going to change her mind. Many halachic authorities would say it’s required to give a get under such circumstances.
You want us to help you manipulate the halachic system by forum-shopping so you can prevent your wife from leaving or remarrying? Why would we do that? The Torah tells us to free the oppressed. Even an “unreligious” person can understand the enormous moral value of that.
Just because something is not legally required (according to some opinions) doesn’t mean it’s the ethical thing to do.