Ahem.
I am part of a very learned, Yeshiva educated family, including some men who have spent their entire lives learning Torah for most of the day, and finished Shas numerous times. I would say we are Chareidi, but since this word did not exist in the U.S. previous to 10 or 15 years ago, I do not know an accurate definition of that word. You might call us Yeshivish, but even that definition seems to have morphed over the years.
Let’s just say we are quite familiar with and serious about Torah, halacha, and minhagim, and proper practice of all three!! We are by no means people who skirt halacha, or try to modernize Torah in any way!
We are not chassidish, so I can not speak for their hanhagos.
We definitely do not hold that the “dek tich” (fabric veil with which the chassan covers the kallahs face at the “badeken” before the chuppah) needs to be thick. As a matter of fact, if any covering DID obscure the Kallah’s face completely at one of our family weddings, the Mesader Kiddushin had the kallah (or her mother) lift the veil during certain parts of the Chuppah. The Chassan must see who he is marrying, and (if I’m correct) possibly the Eidim must also see!
I do not know the reason for the veil, although it is obviously the minhag at a Jewish wedding, that the Chassan comes in and covers the Kallah’s face in some way. It is my understanding that her face only needs to be partially hidden, which is accomplished even by a moderately sheer, or lacy fabric covering, through which she can definitely see where she is going, but her facial features are not clearly defined by an onlooker.
Apparently, there is a minhag for the Kallah’s face to be less than visible at this time.
I am wondering if this is part of the well known minhag that for a period the Chassan and Kallah do not see each other before their wedding. I really don’t know. In current times, most Ashkenazim apply this to the entire week before the Chasuna. I may be completely off here – I’m just thinking out loud!
There are Rebbeshe Chasunas, where there is some sort of event the night before the Chasuna, where the Chassan and Kallah definitely see each other. And of course by some Sefardim, there is often a ceremony the night before the Chasuna. In those cases, not seeing each other for the entire week before the Chasuna is obviously not the accepted practice.
Perhaps there is merit to the idea that other men should not look at the Kallah. I believe that there is a gemara that suggests that when the men are being misamayach the Kallah – which is a mitzvah, (kaytzad merakdim lifnei haKallah) the men are supposed to look at the Kallah’s “crown” or other headpiece, in order to avoid gazing straight at the Kallah’s face.
In some circumstances, and at many weddings that I attended in Eretz Yisroel, the Chassan was escorted straight from the “badeken” (covering procedure), directly to the chuppah, with the Kallah following shortly behind. Often the Chuppah took place right outside the wedding location, and there was no aisle for anyone to walk down. There were no stops at a restroom, at the Kallah’s preparation room, or any place else. It is quite clear to everyone assembled, that the young woman who was seen and “covered” by the Chassan, is the one who followed him out to the Chuppah.
I suspect that that is how it is supposed to be.
However, at MOST very frum weddings that I have attended here in the U.S., the Kallah definitely goes back to a private place to “straighten herself up” a bit for the Chuppah. Additionally, there is a period between the badeken and the Chuppah, where all the guests have to go from the room where the badeken was, to the room where the Chuppah will take place. It can be quite a few minutes before all the guests are SEATED, and the Chassan begins to walk to the Chupah. The Chassan – and the Kallah – have to wait somewhere. If the purpose of the badeken is to insure that the Chassan identifies his Kallah, confirming that the he knows exactly who he is marrying, that goal is then undone, because there is much opportunity for the Kallah to be exchanged during that time!!
Perhaps that is why the Litvish Roshei Yeshiva who were Mesader at the weddings in my family were makpid that the veil be lifted, if the Chassan or the Eidim could not really identify the kallah. Regardless, it was a lot less traumatic for the kallah to be able to see where she was going. And it was not in the slightest bit considered a minimizing of any sort of tznius or anything of the like.
Oif Simchos!