LB – it seems to me that you are talking about very lofty spiritual levels that most of us aren’t on even as adults.
Even regarding those rare individuals who are on such a level, it is probably only as an adult.
I think that the Torah derech is to let children be children.
There is something important that I think should be pointed out here. I don’t recall if I have ever mentioned this outright to you before although I am sure that I or others have alluded to it.
There are many advantages to being a baal teshuva. A baal teshuva is on a much higher level than someone who grew up Frum – unless the FFB grows in his Avodas Hashem to the extent that the changes he makes are equivalent to the changes and growth experienced by the baal teshuva. But it is a rare FFB who makes those kinds of changes. And in any case, if an FFB and a BT are both doing the same things, the bt is on a higher level since he had to work harder to get there.
Baalei teshuva are often more spiritual and more willing to make sacrifices and changes and not just stay the way they are.
But at the same time, that is the potential pitfall of the bt. Whereas the instinct of the FFB is usually to stay where he is even when he should be making changes and leaving his comfort zone, the bt has to be careful that his desire for spirituality doesn’t cause him to take his feet off the ground and to be too extreme.
This is something that can be a problem in particular when raising children. Sometimes, there are baalei teshuva who out of a sincere desire for spirituality end up inadvertently pushing their kids too far. And by the way, this can happen with ffb’s as well; it’s just that there is more of a danger of this with bt’s.
This probably stems in part from not being aware of what is normal or not in the Frum community and what one’s expectations should be of one’s kids. That is why it’s good to ask questions and it’s good that you are doing so.
This is not a halachic issue to my knowledge, but rather a general hashkafa of chinuch and the fact that one is supposed to be “normal” and “emotionally healthy” and let his kids be kids (at least if he wants them to grow up to be normal adults).
This is a hashkafa that most Frum people have attained by way of our Gedolim and/or through Mesorah and the way they were brought up.
Rav Sheinberg, zatsal (who is mentioned on another recent thread) was very into exhorting people to be normal. There is a book with sheilahs that people asked him on chinuch and other topics. The questions some people asked are actually quite scary. It might be a good book for you to read as it shows the attitudes that one should not have.
I realize it’s difficult for you since the boundaries between normalcy and non-normalcy kind of get shaken when you become Frum. After all, what’s normal about half the things we do? To us, they seem normal because we are used to them, but to you, probably none of it is normal.
When raising kids in particular (b’ezras Hashem), it is going to be very hard to understand what is normal for an ffb kid to do and what is not. There are many bt’s who make serious errors in this. That is why it is very important for you to have a Rav to get guidance from both now, and particularly later on, when you are raising kids, b’ezras Hashem. It will also be important for you to have a good support system of ffb friends with kids the same ages as your kids so you can get a feel for what’s “normal” and what’s not, what you should allow your kids to do and what you shouldn’t.
Please keep your posts shorter. Thank you.