Yekke: “You always have וידעת היום, but you don’t always have השיבות אל לבבך. There is a difference between being aware, and being fully cognizant of the fact enough that you feel it. Call it the שביתי ה’ לנגדי תמיד.”
I got that that was what you meant from your previous post, but I just don’t see it personally. I think that I am always “fully cognizant of the fact enough that I feel it.”. Of course there are different levels and what I mean by that would not be what Rav Chaim Shlita would mean by it, but I do think those words describe the way I feel all of the time, at least on some level. And I certainly don’t feel Hashem’s Presence any less even when I do something wrong. I actually am probably even more aware of it.
According to a friend of mine I am unusual in that I always approach things rationally and I think in black and white terms (meaning, if something is wrong, don’t do it, period). I’m not sure if I’m as unusual as she thinks, since I think that there are many people I know like that. But it could be that most people don’t work that way.
The point is that even when I do something wrong, I am doing it because I feel like I need to because I am not on the level of being perfect. It is not because I just “forgot about Hashem” or stopped thinking or something.
But maybe other people don’t work that way. I’ve never been inside anyone else’s head so I wouldn’t know. It’s also possible that I am not as self-aware as I think I am, but I really don’t think so.
Personally, I have a hard time understanding how it’s possible to not be aware of Hashem’s Presence ever.
PS: I just gave away my identity if she is reading this, and she told me she reads the CR sometimes.