“My question was about making such a blanket statement. I believe it is not a general rule and each and every situation needs to be brought up as a shaila when it occurs. Stating it as a blanket statement can be wrongly misleading and I asked for sources that would confirm or refute that.”
It is a general rule that if helping someone else will seriously compromise someone’s well-being, they should not do it.
How and when to apply this depends on the specifics of the situation, and a sheilah should be asked in each case if possible and practical, and when it’s not possible or practical, the person has to use his judgment.
I would have made that last point clear, but I was afraid of using up my word- count 🙂 , so I am trying to keep my posts more concise. I had also thought that it was clear because I think it wasalready mentioned in previous posts that this depends on the specific situation.
But I apologize if it wasn’t clear, and I hope it is now!
I actually just had a discussion about this concept with someone one Shabbos, and she brought up the point that it might be different regarding mothers.
Basically, there are different factors that would have to be weighed in each situation. One of them would be how damaging to the person it would be. And another would be what their responsibility in the situation is. There is a big difference between someone who has a responsibility or an obligation to the other person (such as a parent), and someone who is going out of his way to help someone out whom he is not specifically responsible for.
For example, I was very annoyed when I had a landlord who was refusing to talk to me (because I’m a girl) when I had to tell him that I had no water or I had to pay him the rent, etc. I thought that was ridiculous! If you don’t want to talk to a girl, don’t rent your apartment to her, but if you do, you can’t then refuse to talk to her!!!
So I made him talk to me, but he then he would constantly tell me how uncomfortable he was talking to me (which I thought was very inappropriate!)