I hesitated to post this at first because I thought that oomis1105 might have gone out with him http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/2#post-42508 but I seriously doubt it (mainly because he never owned a lizard).
Before I even started dating I used to get a ride with a newly married guy to college. He’s a very funny person but I respected him for his sincerity in not being a faker and asked him some questions about dating. (He said that he would either answer them honestly or tell me that he won’t answer them at all.) At that naive part of my life, my biggest concern was how to say no to a girl without hurting her feelings.
He said what he does in those cases is he makes the girl say no, and told me a few ways he’s done it. For starters when they get to a red light he has a contest with her to see who could find the prime factorization of the numeric part of licence plate of the car in front of them. He was good at this so I assume that he’s done it numerous times before. He would also take off his left shoe and sock and pick at his callouses with his right hand while he drove with his left hand and right foot. (He demonstrated this for me.)
What reminded me about the guy that oomis1105 went out with was the way he would wait in line to wash in yeshiva. He would use his mathematical skills to predict how long of a wait he had until he reached the faucet (he would do this out loud for anyone who cared to listen). On dates he would complain in a really whiny voice about all his pet peeves. “It’s reeeeeaaaaallllly not faaaaaiiiiiir when peeeeoooople take the waaasshhiiinngg cups from the diiiiiinnnning rroooommm to the doooorrrrmmms, the waaaiiiittiinnnggg tiiimmmmee in the liiinnnnneee is increeeaaasseed by as much as 33%. (He is an actuary now, by the way.)
He found it amusing that two girls that he went out with told him stories of what happened to their friends on dates that were stuff that he was actually the guy that did. The first one will get the whole post deleted so I’ll wait until I get promoted to moderator to post it. The second one was when he took a girl that he already lost interest in to some sort of park, zoo, museum or something of the sort. There was a trail or path that crisscrossed itself over and over again but there was one direction that was supposed to be followed throughout. He told her that he did it so many times that he wants to do it backwards to make it more interesting. Being that it crisscrosses many time and they were going backwards, they kept on bumping in to a friend of hers, also on a date, over and over again. At that time he felt it was very important to tell her about his great aunts in-grown toe nail, in more detail than she cared to know about. Each time they passed her friend and her date he could sense her feeling embarrassed and making faces like “it’s our first and last”. (It was.)
He would also institute something called “window privileges”, he explained to the girl that the use of the power windows in his car are not a right, but a privilege that must be earned.
I actually used that line on a date with my wife. On our first date my wife tried to lower the window but it was locked. My wife wanted to know why I kept it locked (it was actually a rental I picked up that morning that I didn’t even check to see if the windows were unlocked or not). I explained that “windows are not a right but a privilege that must be earned, but you already earned your privileges”, I smiled at her and unlocked the windows. She didn’t laugh but after we got engaged (and she got to know me a little better) she said that she thought I was serious and it was really sweet of me.
Awwww, how romantic!