I also don’t think your assessment of the chiyuv is correct. I bet even the Roshei Yeshiva you mention who advocate the shitah of the Shulchan Aruch would agree it’s only an ideal and not me’akev… In other words they would agree that a person would be yotzei if they “only” followed the Rama and Mishnah Berurahs’s shitah of yoser milimudo. Yes, we all try and be machmir, but when a chumra comes at the expense of a din (in this case dina demalchusa dina) one would presume the din takes precedence over the chumra. Yes, even the Rama’s shitah violates Dina demalchusa dina as that would be illegal as well, but I am under the impression that the more you serve a minor is a bigger violation of that law and by extension dina demalchusa dina.
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