I think you need guidance but you are getting it from the wrong people. You need a therapist and a mentor ASAP, and until you do something about that, nothing is going to help (as can be seen by the turn this thread has taken).
You also need a new group of friends. Weren’t you attending a shiur in Lakewood? What happened with that?
Maybe you need a new shiur. Or a new college. You are definitely hanging out with the wrong crowd.