You were asking Lilmod, but I think I can answer you too.
I know many women who came from more modern backgrounds who married learning boys. And also boys who came from modern backgrounds and then went into learning etc.
I think in order to do that, if you don’t fit the BY mold until now then you have to change that mold now. That might mean moving out of your modern community and moving to a more yeshivish community. Some girls do that by going to learn in E”Y, and then staying on. Others move to a more yeshivish community in the NY area, for example, Passaic. Then you can start to network- people will get to know you, you will get more familiar with the kollel lifestyle, you will have more shidduch opportunities as the people that you know will be more likely to know the kind of person you want to marry, and serve as shidduch references for you, etc. Think about it from the boy’s perspective- what would make a yeshivish guy who wants to learn full time want to go out with you, when he has lots of BY girls to choose from? Do your best to make yourself part of that world, and then your less than typical background won’t be the defining part of you.