LB – you are 100% correct about the label “chiloni/secular”. It is a complete misnomer and a terrible word. On the other hand, these labels mean what they have come to mean, and one could say that the technical definition doesn’t matter.
L’maaseh, when the words “chiloni” or “secular” are used to refer to people, they just refer to people who are not religious; they don’t really mean people who are secular according to the dictionary definition of secular. It is sad that these are the words that are used, but most people don’t really think about the dictionary definition when using the terms.
In America,though, those words aren’t really used. People usually say not-Frum.
In terms of yourself, you are in transition, and shouldn’t worry too much about labels right now. If people ask, you can say that you are a Jew who is trying to become more religious.
Truthfully, I am a bit confused.Sometimes you say things that make it sound like you aren’t really Frum yet, but other times, you are asking detailed questions about specific halachos that make it sound like you are very Frum and concerned about keeping every detail of halacha.
In any case, you are clearly a very sincere person who “sees the light and is making her way there” so that is the kind of answer you should give if someone asks.