aries2756: You wrote beautifully everything from your kind heart. I could not have written any better, even if I tried! H’KBH should give us all much koach to carry on our good deeds.
Coal: I am truly sorry for your loss and wish you arichat yamim tovim ad meah ve esrim shana with good health and many simachot with simcha.
I, unfortunatelly was an only child. My Mother A’H was a very ill woman and my Father Z’TL was a survivor of 10 camps, yimach shemum ve zichrum. My Father Z’TL passed away first and I carried in my wallet a poleroid picture of my Father taken by an American Jewish soldier, when he was freed from the camps. I also had a picture of him in the DP camp and his ration book and a picture of him that was taken for his travelling documents to travel to USA in 1949. I travelled a long distance to work and always looked at the pictures. A few months after he was nifter, my Mom A’H flew to us for Pesach, and was shopping in a supermarket for all the fruits and vegetables and when I went to pay, I discovered the wallet with all the momentos were stolen. Needless to say, I was devastated! All the local papers picked up the story that he was a Holocaust survivor and I offered a reward for the return of the pictures. (The loss of the money/credit cards was incidental!) I never saw them again and there weren’t any copies of the photos. Until this day, I never carry any photos with me in my wallet or otherwise. I unfortunately have learnt my lesson. My dear Mother A’H passed away about a year later. It has been 15 years since my Father Z’TL was nifter and 13 1/2 years since my Mother A’H was niftera. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of them and think of little things that they have done and remind myself all the time of the good that they have achieved.
That first Yom Tov was Pesach after my Father Z’TL passed away and when I benched licht and I was sobbing buckets of tears, there was a knock on the door from a young male with a sports jacket and combed hair and he asked for the Zaide. I did not recognize him and told him that the Zaide Z’TL passed away but he was welcome to come in to share the Seder with us. He explained that he had come the year before, (my eldest son went up to a local main street and brings home youth who have gone off the derech and are thrown out of their parents’ homes to our Seder, with no questions asked, to partake in a seder and to have good, warm food). This boy came in and he was absolutely filthy, long dirty hair, unkept nails etc, and for a very split second was looking where to put him at our beautiful set seder. My Father Z’TL called out in his broken English and his beautiful, warm smile, “come Tattale, sit next to me, I am the Zaide!” My Father Z’TL explained everything so nicely and calmly to every one and spoke to each and everyone who joined us. That same boy came back the next year so nicely dressed and subsequently went off to Ohr Sameach in Yerushalayim and is now frum.
Both my Parents Z’TL have come back to me as was described by aries2756 in different circumstances and a few times I have dreamt about them.
Each person is different and some take longer and some take less to feel less angry with H’KBH for taking their loved ones. You have to keep busy and remember your beloved all the time. The pain does ease over time, but you will never forget them. It is very normal to be upset and angry with H’KBH for what has happened. But, slowly all your emunah and bitachon will return, knowing that your beloved is in Gan Eden, and in a better place and not suffering.
Wishing you much nechama, and no more sorrow, and an abundance of HAGEFEN = Hatzlacha Rabbah in all that you do, good gezunt, good parnasa, and much yiddishe nachus!