Reply To: Halacha for the masses

Okay here is one example of lying that I learned how to do.

With one person in particular who really bothered me persistently and put me down, saying that he was “just teasing”, I learned to avoid him and respond to his “Where’ve you been?” with “I’ve been busy.” If he asks more I repeat the same thing over again.

He also asks me an invasive question that there is no good answer to. Even saying that I don’t have time to talk gets me into a draining situation. Even writing about it is triggering me so I will stop and close the point here.

My answers feel like lies. Yes I’ve been busy but in his mind me being busy is not the same as my definition. Telling him the truth is a sakana for me. My therapist taught me that “broken record technique” of deflecting energies and people for pikuach nefesh.

I wonder what the rav would say here.

I’ve heard that some rabbonim recommend lying about details like age for shidduchim, like saying someone who is 40 is 39.

Was it midrash where Aaron lied to two people (brothers?) who were fighting, saying that each one told him that they felt remorse and/or wanted to make up with the other one (when in fact neither told him that), and that helped warm each up to go to talk to the other and they made up. It was happily ever after.