There are many types of abuse – physical abuse is only one. You can’t invalidate someone’s suffering by saying that there are worse forms of suffering. It’s also generally not fair to compare one person’s suffering to another, even if seems “obvious” that one person’s suffering is greater. In any case, even if one is worse than the other, it doesn’t mean the second one is not suffering.
Verbal and emotional abuse are considered valid reasons to get divorced according to the Torah. Going through gehinom in this world only saves you from gehinom in the next world if you didn’t choose the gehinom. You can’t deliberately choose to marry someone abusive and then claim that you should get out of gehinom as a result. It was your choice and it was a bad one; according to Rav Yitzchak Berkowitz, you may even be punished as a result, because of what you are doing to your kids.
Likewise, if you accidentally ended up with an abusive spouse, and the Rabbanim and your seichel tell you that you should get divorced and you choose not to, you will not be rewarded in the next world – you may even be punished for not doing what you should have done and for the effect it had on your kids.
However, in a situation in which you did not choose to marry the abusive person, and it is either impossible to get divorced or for whatever reason, the Rabbanim tell you that in your case you should not get divorced, then Abba is right. But the general rule is that one is not allowed to choose to go through gehinnom in this world, and if you do, you will not be rewarded for it, and you may even be punished.