Imanonov- I like! The first one reminds me of these: (for some reason)
1. “I’m a good driver. In fact just last week, I got a compliment about it. Someone left a note on my windshield, it said ‘parking fine’.” (wheres haifagirl?)
2. “Last week I called my credit card company. They told me I had outstanding payments. I said thank you and hung up.”