Lenny I am advising you not to reveal the marriage counselor until you have finished using him. As far as waiting to X-mas to approach Rabbi Cohen my point was that you have to go down there and try to meet him in person and I was using those days as they are not work days. You could go any day but you would be missing a day of work.
If the marriage counselor therapy fails which is quiet likely then go back to the Rabbi in Bais Hora. Tell him you are thinking of giving your wife a get but you would like to know in advance what it’s going to cost you and what the custody arrangement is going to be. According to Jewish Law the wife is only entitled to the Ketubah which is somewhere between $50,000 to $75,000. Your wife will have to explain how is she going to be able to support herself and your children and maintain the same standard of living. She may come to the realization that the marriage wasn’t so bad. If this doesn’t convince her to remain with you, you can ask for a six month trial separation, but only do this once the financial and custody have been resolved. Perhaps living alone will convince her that she needs you. Otherwise I think you both need to get divorced. If you do not get divorced your wife may make your life a living hell. You are young enough that you can remarry and have a new family. If you stay to the bitter end it will cost you both financially and psychologically.
I agree with what you are trying to do and will back you in this forum no matter what you do. May Hashem give you the strength and understanding to overcome this.