My understanding was (and is) that the shaela Rabbi was very strongly in favor of a Get.
“But aside from the Shaila Rabbi, the Rebbeim aren’t exaclty lined up & urging me to give a Get either.” What Rebbeim could possibly be lining up and urging you to give a Get? You only spoke to one (or two, depending how you count). And I think you should only be speaking to one (or maybe two, 3 at the most).
“The shaila Rabbi was all about what’s easiest… just give her a Get if that’s what she wants” It sounds like he thought this was the right thing to do. If he thought it were right to stay married, he wouldn’t tell you not to just because it’s harder. He may have presented it that way because he saw you didn’t want to give a get, and he was trying to convince you.
Keep in mind that when you ask a sheilah, you are answered according to the way in which the sheilah was asked. You didn’t ask “what is the right thing to do?” So the Rav didn’t phrase his answer that way since he saw that wasn’t your main concern. He sensed (from the way you asked the question) that your main concern was “what will be good for me?” so he answered you accordingly. I think that if you had phrased the question, “what is the right thing to do from a Torah perspective?”, he may have answered you differently.
I’m glad you are going to a Frum therapist. However,I do think it’s a good idea to go to someone who was recommended by a reliable Rav, since you never know. Just because he is Frum and a Rabbi doesn’t necessarily make him a good therapist. But the fact that he is Frum and a Rabbi and lives in Lakewood does relieve me.
You may want to call Relief to check if he is someone whom they recommend, and/or to find out who they do recommend. Relief is a Lakewood-based organization that gives therapist referrals. They are very well known and accepted, and they do thorough research on the therapists. The phone number is in the Lakewood phonebook and I think it is available online. If you can’t find it, I can look it up for you. I think the moderators would allow that – I think I have already posted it on a previous thread, actually.
Therapy is expensive. I’m not sure of price ranges, but I think that $150 may be considered a good price (or at least average).
I am glad you are being proactive. I don’t think that therapy is a bad idea. It’s what I personally would have recommended. But I am not a Rav, and unlike the Rabbanim you spoke to, I never met with you or your wife and don’t know the details and am not qualified or experienced in these matters. So my hesitancy comes from the fact that they are advising you differently. But in any case, it certainly doesn’t hurt to see a therapist one time and to see what he says while you are waiting for Rav S.B. Cohen to get back to you. Just try to check him out with Relief. Or maybe ask your Rabbi if he ever heard of him.
I would just add that I once spoke to someone from Relief about what they do and I am pretty sure that he told me that there are a small percentage of therapists who are good. So I really would recommend checking this therapist out. The wrong therapist could potentially do more harm than good (and take your money anyhow).
Hatzlacha Rabba!