MW13: “The ???? of ??? ???? ???… I’m sure most people here are familiar with the explanation that this is so because women are naturally on a higher spiritual level, and therefore do not need as much “work” to develop their relationship with Hashem
I have indeed heard this explanation, but I’ve always wondered if there’s any real source for it… It does seem to fly in the face of the concept of ??? ????? ???????, that being chosen to perform mitzvos is indicative of a higher spiritual calling.
(Also, if one takes this theory to its logical conclusion, wouldn’t it mean the Jews are on a lower spiritual plane than non-Jews, since they have so many more mitzvos needed to help them perfect themselves?)”
My understanding has always been as follows: Women are on a higher spiritual level than men. They have to be since they were created to be an “ezer k’negdo” and they can only do that if they are on higher level (and no, the role of “ezer k’negdo” is not just about taking care of the physical aspects of running a household. If that were the case, we could hire goyim.).
However, it is not better to be a woman. It is actually considered better to be a man and to have more Mitzvos. That is why they say “shelo asani isha” and why there is a concept of davening to have boys. It is not better to be on a higher spiritualy level and need less Mitzvos. It is better to “need” those Mitzos. That is why it is better to be a person than to be a malach. If it were better to be on a higher spiritual level and need less Mitzvos, then it would be better to be a malach, which is not the case.
However, at the same time, one should not feel at all badly about being a girl. Hashem wants there to be girls in this world and He chose YOU to be one, and that is why we say “sheasani kirtzono”, unlike goyim who do not make such a bracha because there is NO advantage to being a goy. I think this is also why a goy can convert to being a Jew (because it is better in every way) but a woman can’t become a man. This is because there are maalos to being a girl and Hashem wants you to be a girl.
Plus, there really is so much to be happy about being a girl. And Hashem wants us to be happy about being women. Men have an obligation to be thankful that they are not women; women do not have any obligation to feel bad about being women and in fact, we are supposed to be happy we are female and make a bracha about it.
In short, theoretically, in Judaism it is considered better to be a boy, but that doesn’t mean men are better and it doesn’t mean that you should be upset that you are not one. In fact you should be happy that you are a girl because Hashem chose you to be a girl and women have a unique tafkid, and it’s geshmak to be a girl, and we have just as many opportunities to earn Olam Haba, and imho, it is 1,000 times easier to be a girl (at least nowadays). We don’t have as many nisyonos, we don’t have as many obligations, we have as many opportunities to gain Olam Haba but it easier to avoid aveiros, we have much more freedom in choosing our path in Avodas Hashem (for example, we don’t have to learn but we can choose to, we don’t have to get married but we can choose to, we don’t have to deal with learn/work/army issues to the same extent, etc), we are more emotionally healthy in general, and we are on a higher spiritual level (even if it’s not to our credit, it’s still something to be thankful about) and we don’t have to worry about bitul Torah every second.
There is no reason at all for women to feel bad about being women. But I think most women nowadays find it hard to figure out how it’s possible to think that it’s better to be a man without feeling badly about themselves. The two things are really not contradictions but it’s hard to conceptualize this. It took me a long time to be able to, and I still find it difficult to give over to others.
But what is clear to me is that Hashem wants us to be happy that we are girls and not to feel badly about it, so if reflecting on the advantages of being a man makes someone feel badly about being female, then it’s better not to do so. There is certainly no obligation to do so. And I think a girl’s obligation is to reflect on the advantages of being a girl – of which there are many, Boruch Hashem!
Like I said before, each gender should focus on the advantages of being the gender that they are while keeping in mind all the reasons they should appreciate and respect the other gender (in the form of their spouse, at least).