Reply To: Fear of Heaven

lilmod ulelamaid: Thank you for appreciating the light and sharing yours as well 🙂

Alas… I get what you’re saying. I brought up the TM mitzvah because to me that’s a super yiras shamayim. Tznius has all these logical reasons that can be explained. Granted, so can TM. People say that it brings the husband and wife closer together. Hashem made it so they are together when there is the most opportunity, generally, to conceive. Bottom line though, we do mitzvot because we want to be one with Hashem’s Will (so all of these reasons are really secondary and irrelevant to “why” we do it).

I heard a rebbetzin tell a story about someone going in her untznius clothes to the mikvah during the summer. It was beautiful. I didn’t know that someone was makpid on TM sans tznius.

Personally, I have to look at myself. If tznius being so important is something that I contest to, then perhaps it is because it’s a huge issue for me (which it is). I want to ultimately be makpid on many mitzvot. As far as tznius, I feel like if others and Hashem knew (well Hashem knows everything, so maybe I mean rabbis or something) what happens when I dress tznius and how much suffering it causes, then one wouldn’t take it as a personal attack against Yiddishkeit.

What about vitamin D deficiencies and the lack of sun exposure on a woman with olive-toned skin? What about someone whose medications cause excessive sweating and she lives in a hot climate? Dehydration. Wet clothes. Acne from having a sweaty back. Doctors appointments to deal with the acne. Embarrassment. Having to change clothes multiple times a day. Doing laundry constantly. I want to live. Torah is for life not suffering.

I do not wish for anyone to sin by looking at me. I don’t deserve the blame. That’s how I feel. I am not to blame for someone else’s transgression. I have to live. I don’t want to fall into a depression because tznius is suffocating.

Okay there is my confession. If my yiras shamayim is tied up in the way that I dress, then I don’t have it nor aspire for it. I don’t want to judge others. It is not my job. I want to see the good.

For the record, I just wanted to share my perspective here. I really am not asking for solutions to my sweating or tznius issues.

Thank you thank you thank you