lilmod, you’re wrong. You simply don’t like what the Halacha is so you’re blaming it on everything under the sun to avoid what the Halacha clearly states.
And a beis din cannot order a divorce be given, when it is unwilling, unless halacha specifically specifies those circumstances qualify for a mandatory divorce. And beatings can only be done in circumstances that halacha specifically specifies beis din may.
As far as “encouraging” a divorce be given, of course there is more latitude if the circumstances justify it. But at the end of the day if he decides he doesn’t want to get divorced despite being encouraged to do so, and halacha is that he cannot be forced (as you admit), then he is under no obligation to do so.
All my last number of comments have been speaking generally and not to the OPs specific circumstances, since no one (you included) has enough information about them to render an opinion, let alone a judgment. Keep that in mind when reading my above comments. Nevertheless, a claim of a spouse being controlling, even with proof, isn’t a halachic ground for a mandatory divorce, let alone a situation such as the OP where after making that claim couldn’t cite a single example of that alleged behavior over a twenty year period.