Lenny,
It sounds like you are in a tough spot and I really feel for you.
I would like to offer my two cents. It may or may not be appropriate for your situation, so you can take it or leave it, but from what I’ve read so far I think it may help. Before I start I would just tell you that a marriage counselor would likely say things similar to what I’m saying, and I know that because I’m married to one.
It sounds like the situation you’re in is a gridlock. In a traffic gridlock, everyone thinks he has the right of way (and he may very well be correct), and therefore each person keeps moving forward, making the gridlock worse. The only way to ease up the gridlock is if at least one person takes a step back to let someone else go first.
In your situation, each one of you thinks you’re right, and that the other one is being irrational, and it’s the other one’s fault that the marriage isn’t working (and you may very well both be right!). However, if each one of you keeps pushing forward, the gridlock will only get worse. The only way to ease it up is for at least one of you to take a step back. As far as how exactly to do that, I can’t tell you, but a marriage counselor should be well equipped to facilitate that in your specific situation.
Another point: There’s a very popular video somewhere on the internet called “It’s Not About the Nail.” Though it’s not exactly the same as what I’ve been saying, it does offer a very good demonstration of both ineffective and effective ways of approaching relationship problems.