Reply To: Marrying someone in recovery

Professional Psychologist PsyD worked with over 6k individuals in recovery: Alcohol and recovery doesn’t work in the long run.

Drinking jeopardizes recovery. Seen it happen way too many times. The person with an addiction will start using something that he or she can get away with, like alcohol or marijuana.

That can either lead to eventual giving in to the drug-of-choice, or they develop a substitute addiction or substance abuse disorder, such as alcoholism or alcohol use disorder.

Based on evidence, abstinence and keeping with the program (12 Steps, or comparable therapy where the person has to be accountable etc) is the safest and most reliable way to stay clean.

Professional “peers” in recovery: There is no 100% formula. Though they either work with someone on a program like the 12 Steps that focus on abstinence, or the course of SMART Recovery.

SMART Recovery can help people go from one evil to a lesser evil, so to speak. So instead of being addicted to heroin, switching to methadone. Eventually though, the person is expected to want to stop using any substances, alcohol included, altogether.

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Yes… I just listened to a shiur about soulmates. It talked about moving forward and not to let the satan evoke feelings of regret. I wondered if maybe I was too harsh and etc. At the same time, the situation was more complicated (as is everything). And I have emuna that Hashem did everything for the best and all is good.

This person has the most amazing middos in the universe. I pray for him and may Hashem bless him in all that is good. For the record, the truth is that in this situation, I had plenty more undesirable baggage and it didn’t work out, which too is for the best.

All this research that I did was helpful to ascertain also what I wanted to tolerate in my life, and how to establish my own healthy boundaries.

I really did want to hear your feedback. Another voice can offer another ray.

Thank you