OK Lets discuss a long term study done on children who were spanked. Here are some quotes from an article written on it (I would post a link but YWN generally doesn’t allow it):
“But in a new study published in Pediatrics, researchers at Tulane University provide the strongest evidence yet that children’s short-term response to spanking may make them act out more in the long run. Of the nearly 2,500 youngsters in the study, those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were much more likely to be aggressive by age 5.”
and
“The association remained even after her team accounted for varying levels of natural aggression in children, suggesting, she says, that “it’s not just that children who are more aggressive are more likely to be spanked.” “
and
“Corporal punishment instills fear rather than understanding. Even if children stop tantrums when spanked, that doesn’t mean they get why they shouldn’t have been acting up in the first place. What’s more, spanking sets a bad example, teaching children that aggressive behavior is a solution to their parents’ problems. “
Bomb, I understand why the task was the wife’s task. But if the situation would occur, would you ask Beis Din to beat her? [and I am not sure why you wouldn’t call what Beis Din does a beating]
I want my children to learn to respect me out of love, not fear. I do not want them to resent me for hitting them. I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that a parent would hit their child out of “love.”
We are taught not to trust ourselves until we die. How do you know that at the moment you are spanking for the wrong reason? Sometimes, emotion clouds our judgements.
And you may not resent your grandfather. But I have a few friends that DO resent their parents and have very little to do with them. I want a relationship with my children as they grow up. I don’t understand why I would take that risk to possible alienate them, especially when studies show that spanking is not the ideal path. I am not trying to be thier friend, but I am trying to be a stellar role model on how they behave – and violence is something I want to teach them to abhor.
however i would wager that if oomis gave you an example you would tell her she was wrong and proceed to suggest another method that may or may not have worked.
That’s true. There is always another method. That’s why I don’t understand why someone would choose it. I have a lot of respect for Oomis and I am sure she did a fantastic job raising her kids. I am NOT suprised that her kids won’t hit their own kids though.
Parenting is rarely about short term goals. The goal of parenting is to help them become independant, productive members of society within a halachic framework. We want them to UNDERSTAND why thier behavior is wrong and stop themselves. Otherwise, the minute we leave the room, our influence becomes ineffective.
I am not sure what specifically makes my arguments “childish.” Corporeal punishment is not ideal in any way shape or form and should not be used if other methods will. And there are always other methods.