Lenny, if one spouse definitely wants out after having tried for several years to make things work and after mediation and therapy were attempted and failed, and the other one is refusing to get divorced, the Rabbanim will usually try to convince him to give a Get, and most men will realize they are not accomplishing anything by refusing to give a Get in such a case.
If your marriage is that important to you and you still want to try to make things work, your focus right now should be on trying to figure out if and how you can make your wife happy and not on how you can force her to stay married to you against your will. And making her happy is not about money; it’s about listening to her complaints and not invalidating them.