Lenny1970
I can only speak to what is ‘normal’ in CT, not NY or other places.
Our civil divorce laws require a minimum of 120 days from filing suit until a divorce may be granted. Couples are also required to undergo counseling before a divorce can be granted and a report form the counselor must be submitted to the judge.The judges generally will not accept a report that shows just one or two sessions for the purposes of satisfying the court, usually a minimum of 6 months of weekly sessions is required.
I have had the Beis Din require that the counseling report submitted to the civil court also be resented to the Beis Din for examination. This generally eliminates the Beis Din sending the couple for counseling or attempts at reconciliation.
In my experience the couple always goes through the civil divorce process before the Get process. This way, all financial/custody issues have been settled before reaching the Beis Din.
It always goes more smoothly when a divorce is uncontested, be it civil or Beis Din.
Last Year I represented a female in a civil divorce. After it was granted, the husband refused to go to the Beis Din to obtain and give a Get…he tried to extract benefits in exchange for doing so. I had written the Prenuptial agreement prior to marriage and it stated that in event of a civil divorce both parties will cooperate in swiftly obtaining a Get issued by an Orthodox Beis Din.
We went back to the Family Court Judge, who ordered the ex-husband to appear before the Beis Din and complete the Get process within 30 days or be subject to civil court penalties. In this case the Judge was not enforcing religious law, but a valid contract under civil law.
From experience, if a couple lives in an insular frum community they may seek redress in a Beis Din before or instead of civil court. OOT one only goes to the expense to bring in a Beis Din when the marriage is over, civil divorce granted and a Get should be issued, the Beis Din does this in an expedient manner.
In all my years as a family law attorney who then takes Jewish clients through the Get process I have never seen a Beis Din consider the existence of children in granting the Get. The support/custody issues have been resolved before the parties ever see the Beis Din