Reply To: Rav Avigdor Miller

Person1 – your last sentence is correct.

lightbrite – Amen and thanks!

I think that you can find a lot if you do your checking well and then if you look carefully for red flags while dating. There are no guarantees though, and at the end of the day, “Hakol b’dei Shamayim”. Personally, I am very emotional, and I think I could see myself being the type of person who could easily get emotionally involved, and if I then found out something negative about the person, it would be hard for me to break up with him.

Hashem has spared me many times either by making sure that I found out about the person before I went out with them, or by making sure that they broke up with me. There was one guy who I went out with who it was obvious on the first date that he was clearly nuts but I got pressurred into going out with him on a second date. A lot of pressure was put on me to go out with him a third time and I probably would have given in, but Boruch Hashem, he backed out and by the time he decided he wanted to go out with me a third time, I had spoken to the RIGHT people who discouraged me from going out again. Which was really good because I could have ended up marrying him if I had gone out again.

So Hashem has spared me many times!!

I do think it’s important to do good research beforehand. There are no guarantees, but Boruch Hashem, I am usually able to find out a lot.