“Or people can speak in a nice manner for a toeles purpose–so there won’t be any L’H issues…”
I don’t know what you are referring to, but there are MANY conditions in order for something to be okay for toeles purposes. It is very hard to fulfill every one of them. One of the biggest Yetzer horas when it comes to Loshon Hora is to claim that it’s toeles and therefore it’s okay.
When I have a chance, bli neder, I will try to post those halachos on my Shmiras Haloshon thread. Thanks for the idea, Reuven!