“it’s harder to forgive, but like you said, THAT IS NOT THE AVODAH , living as joyfully as possible IS THE AVODAH…., the Torah does not require super-human behaviour. If you can do it, great.”
Shkoyach! Hatzlacha! Living as joyfully as possibly is certainly a hard enough Avoda… You sound like a wonderful person who has managed to deal with a lot and still maintain her Emuna and Bitachon. Hashem should give you the strength to continue to do so ad meah v’esrim plus (why should you be limited to 120 years?)!