That sounds so painful, babbler.
I could tell you all the stories about the power of mechilla & etc…
But I know from my own life’s experience that it’s really a hard parsha- for reasons you posted above, and others as well.
While my circumstances are very different from yours, I’ve struggled with this myself.
I didn’t pipe up here to offer you any brilliant advice.
Just to say- I hope things get better for you and that the coming year is filled with Shefa Brachos for you and your family!