Reply To: Going off the Derech

OK

You are right that it was an attack on my emunah, but I just spoke with someone who gave me a huge emunah boost. I asked her, how could it be from Shamayim that my son went OTD? Does that mean Hashem wanted my son to go OTD? And how is his going OTD l’tovah? She said all the circumstances that lead to his going OTD were pre-ordained bc he was meant to have this nisayon. This is the path my child needs to go on, for whatever reason. It is my child’s tikkun, and I can’t change it. (I always thought that it can’t be l’tovah bc my son’s not doing the mitzvos), but it is l’tovah bc it is a tikkun for him, as well as for me and my husband. My job, she said, is to love and accept him (and accept the nisayon with simcha, knowing that it is a tikkun for all of us), and daven for his return.

I know you guys have all been telling me this in different ways for the past 10 months, but truthfully, I need to keep reminding myself of it bc every once in a while, I start to feel guilty or depressed that things aren’t the way they used to be. Usually this happens every time I see a yeshiva bachur in black and white, or I’ll pass my son’s old yeshiva, or I’ll see another kid from his class…who’s now doing great in yeshiva gedola….