Reply To: Going off the Derech

It doesn’t look like my son is going to continue with yeshiva at all. He hasn’t gone to school for a few days, and I don’t know if he’s going back. He says he prefers a yeshiva with a dorm, but he hasn’t really done anything to get into one. He looks depressed, but he won’t open up. I keep asking him, what can I do to help him? I am so desperate to help him, but he pushes us away and stays out all night with his friends. I don’t think he’s happy with them, bc he comes home angry and short tempered.

As an aside, I want to tell you what happened to my other son this past Shabbos. I am digressing for a reason, bc it shows how in some ways, WE are responsible for PUSHING kids OTD. My other Bar Mitzvah boy was playing in the park on Shabbos, which was packed with kids. The park is next to a Shul on one side, and an open valley on the other. Apparently, my son was throwing rocks into the valley. A religious man came over to my son and screamed at him that he was mechalel Shabbos. He then hit my son hard in the back of his head, whereby he fell to the ground. When my son got up, he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him, so that he fell close to the edge of the valley (according to 5 eyewitnesses). By this time, he was crying, and some kids belonging to my OTD son’s chevra, came to his rescue, and helped my son away from this man. Needless to say, I am beside myself. My husband and I went to the park to find this man, who apparently had left. I spoke to numerous kids, who all said the same story as my son. Truthfully, I really just wanted to call the police.

After we calmed down and Shabbos was over, we tried to meet with the Rav of our kehilla, who wasn’t available until later today. B’ezras Hashem, we will speak to him later. In the meantime, my husband spoke with his Rav, who told us to try to resolve this with the man. We went to his home last night, and spoke to him at length. He very, matter of factly, admitted hitting my son bc he was mechalel Shabbos.

My husband tried to explain to this “Talmid Chacham” that what he did was worse than what my 14 year old did. He just kept saying that my son was mechalel Shabbos. He never even considered trying to explain to my son that he was doing something wrong…or to speak to my husband about it. As my husband was so calmly speaking to him, he just kept saying “I hear you”, but never once did he say “you’re right, I understand, I made a mistake”. In fact, he said the opposite. He said, by halacha, HE WAS RIGHT TO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it any wonder that our kids hate religion and are going off the derech? I am only a protective mother, and I can’t do anything to change the way some people see things. But there is something terribly wrong with the beliefs of some people, and perhaps their Rav, or SOMEBODY should speak to them about the terrible damage they may cause someone. They may think that all their hours of studying gemara is winning them big points in shamayim, but they may find out once they get there, that they killed a few yiddishe neshamas along the way, Hashem yirachem. I don’t want this thread to turn into ‘religion/religious bashing’, but I do want to bring attention to the fact that we need to address some of the causes of kids going OTD, or we will just be running on a treadmill, trying endlessly to save our innocent children from the terrible mistakes we are making, Hashem help us.