The following letter was written to the editor of the 5 Towns Jewish Times:
Dear Editor, I am writing to you as a concerned parent with children who attend a yeshiva high school. It has come to my attention that the school’s principal recently announced to the 11th- and 12th-grade classes that he has learned that there is a drug problem within the school. He told the students that he would be testing the older students but, before the test is given, the students will have a choice to come talk to him and confess in order to remain in the school. The students who do not confess and who test positive will be expelled from the school without question.
As a parent, I understand the problem at hand and feel that it is necessary, and even a positive reinforcement, to implement this drug-testing. However, I feel that the principal has handled the situation entirely incorrectly. The parents of these children were never notified, a letter was never sent out, and it is outrageous to think that the school would implement drug-testing without parental consent. Moreover, a school with a drug problem creates an environment that many of us parents do not want our children to be in and I feel that it is absolutely necessary to notify the parents.
There should have been a meeting for the parents before even mentioning a drug test to the students. I urge parents to ensure that they know for certain that their children’s schools are not drug-testing without parental consent.
(Name Removed),
Woodmere
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32 Responses
Dear Mom, I don’t see any logic in your complaint. Can you please stop kvetching and say something that makes sense? No wonder kids go on drugs with such stupid mothers.
why?
drug tests are commonplace now…
However, if the parents do not give consent, they may lose their children in Family Court. It becomes an issue of negligence. It is not smart healthwise or legalwise to oppose the yeshiva on randon drug testing.
On the other hand, eventhough it is well within the right of the yeshiva to demand random drug testing, to outright expel the student is not an answer either. To force the student and the parents to go to whatever appropriate treatment programs that are now out there in conjunction with family support group is the way to go. To just unilaterally expel will not solve the problem but spread it somewhere else.
First of all, aren’t there laws about things like this? It’s not so simple to do random drug testing. You know how many foods (try poppy seeds on your bagel) and medications can mess up a test. How would you like your kid to be falsely accused? Second of all, as a parent of teenagers, I, of course, expect to be notified about the problem and the school’s plans toward a solution. This is not solved by testing some kids and throwing them out. You have to find out where they are getting them from, is there somebody in the school who is selling it to the other kids while not taking it themselves etc…
The school has the right to drug -test without your consent. Students are tested scolastically without parents’ permission before tests. They get eye exams,and other tests. For the safety of the students,the school has the right,the duty to protect students from others who do drugs or other inapropriate behavior.If you have nothing to hide,you have no reason to protest drug testing. It’s not a blood test. The student just gives a sample of his urine to the nurse and the truth comes out. You,the parent may not even know what your darling son is doing,so stop complaining. Be happy that the school cares. The kids get tested for lice without your special permission. There are certain standards that MUST be maintained and ENFORCED if the school is to do its job. If you’ve got nothing to hide,stop complaining. If you don’t like the testing,take your kid to a different school.
It’s too bad that the correct underlying approach will be overshadowed by administrative bungling. But the parent is right, you can’t go over to a bunch of teenagers and announce that there’s a drug problem, so now we’re testing you, without ever bringing that up with the parents first. First you bring the parents on board, then you do the testing.
Thank you 3 & 4.
3 and 4 read the letter – only those that do not come forward will be expelled, children with drug problems that come forward and talk to the principal will be allowed to stay – I may be making a stretch here, but, I would assume that they are going to work with these kids to help them get and stay clean, otherwise, why would he request that they come forward and confess if the principal will let them stay and continue in their harmful ways.
real question for me is: what are the parents who do not give consent (if required) really afraid of.
I applaud the principal.
Dear yw
I don’t know why you think this is a question that should be posted on a public forum this is a question for a rov or rosh yeshiva and I’m shore this school has its own rabbinic guidance that they sought before making this decision
if you trusted the school enough to send your child there in the first place you should trust them with this decision as well if not pull your child out
Unless these are random tests there are “drinks” one can take to show a clear “catch”…in addition did the principal take into account “watered down results” as in drinking massive amts of water thereby skewing the a results. This a slippery slope and the principal should be very careful in his actions.
in my humble opinion,,,,, any parent that hinders the yeshivas efforts in doing the drug testing should have their children removed from their care.
this is a real problem, and it is healthy for the children to see that their parents will do absolutely anything necessary to protect them form whats out there..
even more so.. if as a parent (who may be more aware of their kids actions) you feel that your child is acting strange and suspect something, the “random yeshiva testing” is a perfect front for you to have them tested discreetly and have it dealt with by his rebbi or mashgiach who is most likely to be able to help him.
however, i do feel that if the yeshivas are going to roll up their sleeves to familiarize themselves with this problem, they absolutely must be prepared to deal with this problem in a professional and effective way.
save your kids life, have them tested
This is the stupidest letter I have ever read. My child attends the same school that XXXX XXXXX child does. This announcement by the principal forced MY son to come clean with us and get the help he needs.
This parent should think twice before opening his mouth. We as parents have to do whatever it takes to save our kids. The lives of our children come before their “rights”. Any parent in my shoes probably is very thankful to the Principal. He is a fine man with only the student’s best interest.
Edited by Site Moderation Panel.
The principal is doing his job. These are high school boys, not little children. If he knows there is a drug issue with a few of the boys and he wants to help them, I think it is great. I know I don’t want my child in an environment where there are kids smoking and taking drugs. I think the yeshivos that stick their heads in the sand and claim they have no drug problems are doing much worse for our children than this Principal!!
Today’s test are much more accurate and sensitive and not messed up by eating poppy seeds (which used to give false positives years ago)
They are also less prone to cover ups than the test takers are lead to believe. Many useless items are sold to drug users telling them the product will cover up their drug use. Many of them do nothing except make the seller money.
Of course the testing schedule should be random, but ALL students need to be tested. EVEN THOSE WHO ARE SUSPECTED THE LEAST. The student should not know when he will be tested. And, a student tested on Monday, could be retested on Friday.
This is a good thing. Don’t protect our children from testing, protect them from drugs which ruin lives.
The testing definitely needs to be done, but the school could have handled it a little more effectively by bringing the parents on board from the beginning. By staring with the children, they leave the parents second-guessing. Had they involved them from the outset, they would have been more likely to have stronger cooperation and backing by the parents.
#13. You are 100% correct. I apologize to the author. My comment was not nice or necessary, rather a reflexive reaction to a problem that is facing our whole society. Please accept my apology.
I would like to respond to post #3. I am an attorney who works for child protective services in NYC, and I must correct you in your overly general assertion. Children are ONLY removed from their parents when there is an imminent risk of harm in the home caused by parental neglect and/or abuse. So, PARENTS taking drugs is one potential form of neglect. CHILDREN taking drugs on their own volition is not a form of parental neglect unless the parents are facilitating the children’s drug use, i.e. the parents are sharing their drugs with the kids, are buying drugs for the kids, or are coercing them into drug use. So, there is nothing to fear in allowing your children to take a drug test. If anything, it will only help them.
HACHOSHED B’KESHARIM LOKEH B’GUFOI
As a former principal, I have to agree WITH BOTH SIDES. Firstly, the parent is correct…minor children need parental consent for any medical procedure, and although I never had to deal with this issue, I suspect even taking a urine sample falls under this category…think ACLU. As a matter of good PR I would have requested consent. Did the principal obtain legal advice before he spoke to the students?
The principal is obviously desperate; it’s a tragedy that he must resort to these measures to “cure” his students/school. However, in my opinion, it was handled very inappropriately. Mom is right: a meeting of parents should have been convened, preceded by a letter, preferably endorsed by the Board. This doesn’t have to take weeks.
Again, the reasons are obviously justified, but I feel the method was insensitive and intrusive. However, the parents should register their complaints with respect & then cooperate fully with the school. Such problems must be addressed with speed. Drugs are not limited to “frei” students or “goyim”. we need to address this problem NOW. At least it’s out in the open.
One final point: I am disturbed by the attitudes of posters on this topic. Parents who have in the past or who are currently going through these trials with their children do not need to read such negative responses. Name-calling is petty and out of line. If a poster feels relieved his child is not involved, I suggest he shows discretion & compassion. The original letter wasn’t kvetching, nor is the writer a “stupid mother(s)”. It was a legitimate, carefully worded response to something that disturbed her. should it have been made to a paper? I don’t know.
to number 20:haoseh davar rah zeh lo tov.if anyone else has something brilliant to share please do so.
the lady is 100% right.have all the parents come to school tell them about the problem.let them know “WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE,WILL BE GIVING RANDOM TESTING.YOU LIKE IT FINE,IF NOT TAKE YOUR KID HOME.” parents should know.but the school should be firm with thier policy.i think this covers all bases.
drugs is a no nonsense problem
sure the school needs to inform parents- thats in a perfect world
we are talking crisis level-triage!
you approach on all levels, swiftly and with precision
chas vashalom if tragedy strikes the why didn’t use will come out of the tracks
they say b’shem rav moshe bik zt’l that he once said by chinuch you always go l’chumra!
hashem should watch us all
Dear to whom it may concern,
I am the author of this letter, I had in no way intended to write this letter to show that I was against testing for drugs in fact I am extremely pro-testing.Many people have misunderstood my letter I am extremely displeased that I as A parent was not notified however I stand behind the principal 100% on his policy against drugs and not penalizing the students that do confess.I hope you look at my letter with A new understanding
You know what the principal knows what he is doing. You know why he probably didn’t tell the parents first, because he didn’t want to tell the oblivious parents like you that your kids are probably the ones on the drugs and you just didn’t know about it.
anon44 thanks for clarifying – welcome to the board
Dear anon44,
I am also a parent in the school and totally agree with you. When my son told me about the school’s decision to implement random drug testing, I was very upset that I was not first notified by the school, even though I fully support the idea of random drug testing if the school deems it necessary. Unfortunately, I believe that in this day and age no school is totally immune to drugs no matter how frum.
I too am a parent with a son in that same yeshiva high school. I have been reading and following this thread for the last few days, and I feel it’s time for me to make my thoughts public.
BH, my son is a good kid and I have no concerns, then again, I am sure that there are other parents that thought the same about their sons, but were proven wrong.
My son came home that day and informed us of the principal’s address to the boys. The fact that he approached me about it definitely helped allay any concerns that I may have had.
I spoke with the prinicipal and he confirmed my suspicions. The last thing that he wanted to do was to implement drug testing in the school. However, as he said, unfortunately we live in a society where any high school that claims that they have no concerns about drugs is either lying to you or lying to themselves. That being said, the focus of his address to the boys was not that there would be drug testing, rather, that any boys with problems should approach him and if he was not approached THEN he would have to resort to the testing.
This principal is not only a Rav, but also has a PhD in psychology. We entrust him with our boys’ well-being and I am happy to say that he has proven himself up to the task.
When I first read the letter, I thought, perhaps you are right, maybe we should have been informed first. However, I subsequently realized that he should be commended for the way in which he handled things.
He proved once again that his primary concern is not the parents. His primary concern is the boys and that’s the way it should be. The boys are teenagers in a state of flux and he treated them like adults. I am sure that he felt that if parents were informed first, certain parents would not have handled the situation in a way that was most beneficial to the boys.
Kol Hakavod to him for tackling a difficult situation with the utmost of sensitivity.
Dear Anon44,
The primary point of your letter as I understood it was that the Principal planned on conducting random drug testing without parental consent. However, it is my understanding that was never the case. Did anyone confirm that the schools plan was to test without consent? If not your letter is a very dangerous one and in your effort to let everyone know how you feel about this issue have probably done more harm than good for the kids.
As a Parent who has been sending my children to the same school for quite a few years, there are a few things that I find very disturbing about this letter.
1)If you would have an issue with how your spouse is dealing with one of your children, would you send a letter to the newspaper or would you discuss it with your spouse directly? If you feel that you are working together with the people who are helping you raise your teenager, and who are with him for the better part of the day, shouldn’t the responsible reaction be to pick up the phone and find out what is going on? Unless of course you don’t feel that you can trust them, in which case I would have to wonder what is your son doing there in the first place?
2)You claim your issue is primarily with the fact that the Principal was going to test without parental consent. I spoke with the Principal myself, and unless there are two Schools implementing the same exact system, (telling the boys to come forward and be allowed to stay etc.) at precisely the same time, you really have no idea what you are talking about. But then again it’s not entirely your fault being that you never made contact with the School and chose to express your frustration with the School by sending in an anonymous letter (there is no Moskowits from Woodmere in that School)to a local newspaper. The Principal did say that whoever comes forward and confesses will be allowed to stay in the School, so long as they are getting whatever help is necessary. Obviously the parents of these boys were informed and directed as to how to proceed. The rest of the boys were told that there would be random drug testing done and if anyone fails the test they would be asked to leave the Yeshivah, no testing was done yet, nor will any testing be done without parental consent. And yes I do implicitly trust this Principal, if I did not my children would never have been in his School.
3)As far as your concern that you do not want your child in a School with a drug problem. Wake up and smell the coffee!! The only solution would be to home-school your kids, or to send your kids to a School where as soon as they discover “the problem” they throw him out of the school so that the world will think they don’t have a “drug problem”. Of course when they throw one kid out the rest of the kids using drugs go deeply undercover. And so long as the school does not test (randomly or otherwise) they can tell the world that they don’t have a “drug problem”.
I personally think this plan is a brilliant one. I commend the Principal for his work and patience in dealing with these boys and their parents.
May we all have much Nachas from all our children.
As a parent in the school I would like to make a few comments.
Firstly, the author of the letter never complained about the drug testing, or about the policy, of those who confess will be given the necessary help. The author even reposted to clarify his position. The sole complaint was that the parents were not informed that there was a problem.
Some of the posts on this board completely misinterpreted his letter and resulted in mean spirited replies i.e. #27.
I stand behind and admire both principals of the school, and I feel that the policies that they have implemented are both necessary and positive. However I am very distressed not to have been informed that there was a problem in the school. And my son’s reaction supports this.
#30 They are not adults they are 15, 16, and 17 years old. They need to be treated with respect, but not necessarily as adults. B”H they have parents who care and want to be involved, they are still children. Many of them were overwhelmed and confused and wanted to turn to their parents and did not, either because they did not know how to, or felt that the school did not want them to. Here we tell them and want them to come to us with issues, yet they see the school not informing of us.
This confuses them and sends them mixed messages.
Let me share with you my son’s reaction. For the past two and a half weeks. My son has been in a foul mood at home. To make a long story short when I read this letter and had a feeling that it might be his school. I spoke to my son and he told me all about the situation.
His relief was so clearly evident. He said to me, that here he is, a kid who can talk to his parents about most things, and he was unable to do so in this instance; Imagine my friends who don’t have such a good relationship with their parents, it was impossible for them. I must admit that this caused me to reflect and re-evaluate what my reaction would have been. Was he afraid that I might be angry? I myself am not sure.The events left the boys confused and overwhelmed, and scared by the situation. As I said before they are teenagers and not adults, and they need their parents. They don’t always know how to reach out and get the parental input that they need. He was upset that the school had kept us in the dark and was relieved when it came out.
#33, I have to disagree with you on your comment. I am sorry this situation has caused you some grief at home. However if as you say you stand behind & admire the principal of the school, then you should trust how he has handles the situation. This principal is known to reach out to each & every student and encourages the boys to come talk to him about anything they need to talk about. In todays world there are many issues that the boys feel uncomfortable talking to parents about, even if you have a close relationship with them. The principal brings up these issues to the boys and is frank and open with them on just about everything. It is quite refreshing and I think the students appreciate it, and it also gives them the confidence to come talk to the parents.
I would also like to add, at least this school & principal are up front about it. Many other schools/yeshivos, both boys & girls, like to turn their heads away and claim they have no kids taking drugs in their schools, the kids from those schools are the ones we should be worried about.
#34 I do stand behind and admire the principals. And I do appreciate the way that they deal with the boys. However, I think in this case the effect on the boys was underestimated. Not just by the school, I myself am guilty as well. From the feedback that I get from my son and he says it is representitive of his friends as well, was that the boys were upset that their parents were not informed. As I said many of them were overwhelmed and needed parental input and did not know how to go about getting it.