WOW, Mazal Tov on your Simcha, Today is a huge test for you as it is for K’lal Yisroel. As the rockets and the threat of war hangs over head, what can one rely on? Only their faith, bitachon and emunah in Hashem. B”H, our Chayalim and Chayalos are trained well. They are confident and strong and they have one extra advantage, Yiddishe Seichel. In addition, Hashem is with them as are the teffillos of millions of people who pray for their safety and the safety of Eretz Yisroel.
In the mean time, life goes on in Israel. That is the most amazing part of the Israeli and Jewish spirit. Jewish life goes on no matter the threat no matter the circumstance. One takes every precaution, as the Torah requires, but life goes on.
So do what you need to do and understand that each child is going through their own challenge right now. Your “simcha boy” is worried about what might happen on his big day. Your oldest is possibly feeling guilt and confusion right now. Should he give in to his feelings of love and loyalty to his family or should he be the big kahuna to his friends and keep up the uncaring persona he has been showing these past few weeks? If he cleans up and comes to the Simcha, will it demean his stance? If he doesn’t show up will his family hate him? Who knows what is going on in his mind? Maybe it would be ok to tell him everyone deserves a day off. Maybe he could take a day off of his “normal” routine and just chill with the family. Maybe that would help him decide without going through all that emotional inner turmoil.