write or wrong: I’ve been staying mostly quiet because anything I could say is already being said here better than I could say it, but reading this last page I thought of something that I might be able to offer.
Your view about having a son who is OTD seems backwards. You weren’t given a son who got “messed up” for some reason that you should feel guilty. Hashem gave you a neshamah that was destined for big nisyonos because He knows that you would be able to help him through the nisyonos that he was destined to have. When you are doing your research for your son or making calls for him, you are fulfilling a tafkid, not fixing a mistake.
As for how your son treats you: you must be very close with your tehillim because you are going through nisyonos so similar to Dovid HaMelech. Just remember that when someone is hurting Dovid (and he had plenty of people doing that to him) he attributes it to Hashem and knows that it is for the best.
And the king said, “What is it between me and you… let him curse, because Hashem said to him, ‘Curse David’. Who could say, ‘Why have you done so’?… Maybe Hashem will see the tears of my eyes, and Hashem will return to me good for his curse on this day.”
You too remember, when you are hurt, cry like Dovid. But when you are done, smile. Because Hashem just touched you personally. And it will be for good things.