W.O.W it is not your job to think like him, it is your job to think like a caring adult. It is very important to show that you care. Accepting his abuse of you is not a show of caring, it is a show of not caring. Respecting his right to make choices is caring, accepting abuse in the process is not caring it is ignoring.
What do you think he tells his friends ” my parents don’t care what I do”, which is so far removed from the truth. Of course you care but you are allowing him the space that he needs. One young man as he matured at 23 and looked at his old photos told his mom “I can’t believe you LET me wear a long pony tail at that age, I look ridiculous!”. Let???did the mom let? Did she have a say at the time? He made his wn choices as your son is doing but one needs to hold kids accountable for thir choices and their behavior. They are making this homie for themselves but it is not fair for the family to suffer the consequence any more than you making the choices and him suffering the consequences. So no it was not right that he didn’t say “mom, I’m safe Im across the street at a friend you don’t need to worry.”. By the same token you can tell him “thank you, I appreciate the information and knowing that you are safe. You dont have to worry I won’t do anything to embarrass you even though I know where you are. As long as I know you are safe I can relax and not worry. We can now both get on with our on business. I love you . “.
That is holding him accountable while also allowing him space. As I said just because he is hurting that does not give him th right to hurt everyone else. He does have the rich to ask for support and understanding.