W.O.W. I don’t see how teling your son to put his laundry in the laundry room is not “loving” him, or telling him that you would be happy to change his linen if he is up, if not you will leave the fresh linen on his bed and he can do it when he is ready.
Why is that “NOT” loving him? Why is being a maid to him showing “love” is he 4 years old, incapable of taking care of himself? He is choosing to be independent and you are offering to take care of him. You should continue to tell him that you love him and you should continue to offer to do things for him, however, you do not need to “baby” him. He wants to be respected and treated as an adult, so why not? Does an adult need to be picked up after? Does an adult need to be spoon fed? He wants to choose his own clothes, he wants to stay out all night, right? OK, so then bring it up a couple of notches. Make him feel like an adult. He is going to go off to school on his own isn’t he? Do you think they are going to do his laundry for him? You are not doing him any favors. Teach him now how to do it for himself.